Chapter 20 : Wrong Decision

It's been almost 4 months already. Time sure flies so fast now. I can't believe we're going to be in 2012 in a few hours. They say that time flies when you're having fun. Am I having fun? Well..maybe. Maybe not.

I have a confession to make. I am not strong. I am a cry baby. Up until now, I would silently scold myself for wanting to study overseas. I silently regret leaving home. Le familia whom I miss dearly.

Eventhough it has been 4 months but I am still trying to fit in. I love my friends here but I do miss my old ones. I'm still trying to cope with everything. Oh common. I've known my friends since we were 8. We've been close friends since in primary school.

Today is the last day of 2011. I've been reminiscing all the memories that I could possibly think of during this year. There's a lot that came through my mind and as the memories came flashing in front of me one by one, tears begin to drop.

It just hit me.

I've grown up. I can no longer be who I used to be a year ago. I can never get to go to school or have midnight snacks with Mum.

With the stress studying for Mid Term and Final Semester Exam, made me miss home even more. Yes, people. I am feeling homesick as hell right now. And so is everyone here.

I can't believe I wouldn't get to watch the fireworks with my family anymore.  This has been our almost tradition, to watch the fireworks during new year's even. I can't believe that I couldn't make it for any gatherings or celebrate my parents' birthday. I wouldn't get to watch SYTYD with Dad, accompany Mum to the office during the weekends.

I've grown up. Life goes on but what if I don't want to grow up? What if I don't want to stop those so called traditions?

I miss home. I miss my room. My messy room T__T I'm not used of having to share a room with a stranger. Well, she's no longer a starnger to me though but you get it. Wouldn't it be awkward and annoying to be talking to the wall and explaining about the Kerb's Cycle while she's in the same room with you and on the same time, studying too? We both need some privacy. I am thankful that my roommate respects my privacy and so do I and she understands me well enough now. But deep down inside, I know both of us want to have the room by our own. Plus, I am such a terrible room mate. My study table is a mess. My closet is a mess and well, every other things too -.-

I want to go home. But I know I can't. I need to toughen up. But how can I be all tough when I'm crying everytime I here the word ' family ' ? How can I be strong when all I can think of is home?

Belajar dalam negara seribu kali lebih baik. Period.