Chapter 21 : Buang yang keruh, ambil yang jernih

A new chapter.

 Happy New Year everyone <3

My resolution?
To be a better person and a better Muslim. 

To be a stronger, patient and an optimistic person.

To be able to handle feelings better.

And to keep on working hard to achieve my dream.

Amiiin.

Chapter 20 : Wrong Decision

It's been almost 4 months already. Time sure flies so fast now. I can't believe we're going to be in 2012 in a few hours. They say that time flies when you're having fun. Am I having fun? Well..maybe. Maybe not.

I have a confession to make. I am not strong. I am a cry baby. Up until now, I would silently scold myself for wanting to study overseas. I silently regret leaving home. Le familia whom I miss dearly.

Eventhough it has been 4 months but I am still trying to fit in. I love my friends here but I do miss my old ones. I'm still trying to cope with everything. Oh common. I've known my friends since we were 8. We've been close friends since in primary school.

Today is the last day of 2011. I've been reminiscing all the memories that I could possibly think of during this year. There's a lot that came through my mind and as the memories came flashing in front of me one by one, tears begin to drop.

It just hit me.

I've grown up. I can no longer be who I used to be a year ago. I can never get to go to school or have midnight snacks with Mum.

With the stress studying for Mid Term and Final Semester Exam, made me miss home even more. Yes, people. I am feeling homesick as hell right now. And so is everyone here.

I can't believe I wouldn't get to watch the fireworks with my family anymore.  This has been our almost tradition, to watch the fireworks during new year's even. I can't believe that I couldn't make it for any gatherings or celebrate my parents' birthday. I wouldn't get to watch SYTYD with Dad, accompany Mum to the office during the weekends.

I've grown up. Life goes on but what if I don't want to grow up? What if I don't want to stop those so called traditions?

I miss home. I miss my room. My messy room T__T I'm not used of having to share a room with a stranger. Well, she's no longer a starnger to me though but you get it. Wouldn't it be awkward and annoying to be talking to the wall and explaining about the Kerb's Cycle while she's in the same room with you and on the same time, studying too? We both need some privacy. I am thankful that my roommate respects my privacy and so do I and she understands me well enough now. But deep down inside, I know both of us want to have the room by our own. Plus, I am such a terrible room mate. My study table is a mess. My closet is a mess and well, every other things too -.-

I want to go home. But I know I can't. I need to toughen up. But how can I be all tough when I'm crying everytime I here the word ' family ' ? How can I be strong when all I can think of is home?

Belajar dalam negara seribu kali lebih baik. Period. 

Chapter 19 : Undefined

While everyone was talking and trying to check out the answers with their friends, I heard someone saying " Why on Earth did I take medicine? "

Then I heard a friend of mine asking " If we died, they won't look for our parents and ask them to pay back them back, right? " and I laughed silently listening to them.

And I heard a group of people, a girl telling her friends " I belajar penat-penat, pulun habis and the questions were too easy until I, myself got confused and couldn't even answer it "

It was true. I too had the feeling of regret. Fear of failing. The thoughts of that I am a scholar and a medical student scares me. Thinking that if one of us fail, we would have to repeat during summer break. Who would want to stay here during summer? Not me, that's for sure. The word 'scholar' scares everyone here. You failed twice and you're out. By means that so long degree, so long dreams, hello home and hello repayments. 

At times like this, when I feel down, scared of the uncertainties, I ask to myself, 

Why did I take this road?

Chapter 18

Life changes. You get it all lined up just the way you like it and then something beyond your control comes along and bumps you off center. Nothing stays the same. You grow up, make friends, lose friends, lose track of people, meet new ones and sometimes you ask yourself why. But all I can tell you is that every single experience you go through changed you in some way. Every new person who comes into your life changes you. Every moral dilemma or emotional experience you come up against changes you. It’s your job to decide how.

Chapter 17 : Ed Sheeran

This is cool. 

Chapter 16 : What a year it has been

2011 was overwhelmed. I've gained a working experience. Got the opportunity to taste my own money. Working at my father's office had made me become mature and grateful. The long hours and work done by him just to support the family amused me. 

I've had ups and downs through out the year. I had a rough time in choosing the right career path. The agony of having to choose between two choices and the thought of no mistakes should be done as you can't turn back time. 

I've also had the chance to perform the Umrah with my family and not to forget, the chance to visit my aunt in Riyadh.  It was amazing and I thank Allah for giving my family and I the chance be one of His guest. No words can described this feeling. To be frank, I've changed a lot since I've come back from performing the Umrah. 

I've also gotten straight A's for SPM. It wasn't that good but Alhamdulillah :) It was quite an experience. I didn't get to take my results on the day the results were out since I was at my aunt's place. Everyone was tweeting and updating their status while I on the other hand, just woke up and had pancakes for breakfast. Yeap, I can still remember every single details of the incident. My family was eager to know my results while I didn't. I only got to know my results a few minutes later through a text.  Haha.

Then the interview scholarships came in and I've been accepted to pursue medicine here in Alexandria. I was devastated at first as it wasn't my choice to go to middle east. I didn't even intended to studying there. Plus, there were news of how politically unstable Egypt was after the revolution. 

I then went to IKIP which is in Kuantan for my preparatory program. Those 3 months were the best 3 months I've ever experienced. I've met so many friends from so many backgrounds. I've learned so many things there. I've learned to enjoy marching. I've listened to Arabic and Nashid songs more than my friends and I've become a better person. Change can sometimes be good, right? 

KIBA was such an experience. Who knew I could speak Arabic in 3 months time? I didn't. Haha. I thought it was impossible and learning a new language sure sounds hard. It was hard at first but then, as time flies, I've fell in love with the language. I have new friends now too. I was placed in an apartment with 5 Sabahians and a girl from Pahang who became my roommate then. The time we spent was a treasure. I had so much time with them. The crazy, fun moments with them were just amazing. They helped me a lot there and thanks to them, I did not regret going there. I did not regret taking the offer of going to a place where 75% Malaysian doesn't know. In fact, I am grateful. I've learned that not everyone is the same. Not everyone is the same status as you are but you can get along with them, right?

I really miss my friends there. My housemates were the best. The ones who would listen to my problems and laugh with me ( or at me :p ) . We went shopping together, do crazy things together. The memories will always be remembered. I miss you guys. 

I'm doing my degree in medicine now, here in Alex. And I still can't believe that I've gone so far from where I started. I'm a step closer to my dream now. But that doesn't mean that I don't have to work hard anymore. I need to work harder in order to achieve my dream and medicine isn't an easy course. Everyone says it is one of the toughest! But InsyaAllah, I can make it till the end. All I need is to walk an extra mile in order to gain success. Nothing is impossible, right?

A lot of this had happened through out the year and I have to admit that it was a roller coaster ride. I am grateful and happy for every single thing that had happened. I've learned to become patience, to be stronger, independent and accept that you can't always get what you want. You can always set your target but if always keep in mind that if it's meant to be, it will be. Kunfayakun :) I've learned that whatever happens, always be thankful and be positive. You can cry all day long but at the end of the day, always believe that Allah knows best. La tahzan, Allah ma'ana :) Plus, I've learned to live on my own, away from my family. And I've become a more realistic and an optimistic person. 

2011 left a lot of memories for me to reminisce a few years later. Goodbye 2011 and may 2012 be a better year.

Chapter 15 : Saya Orang Melayu

Kalau dulu, lepas balik sekolah, kita boleh cerita apa yang jadi kat sekolah dan apa yang kita buat kat parents kita. Kita boleh cerita-cerita dan gelak-gelak dengan keluarga masa makan, masa tolong mak masak kat dapur, dalam kereta. Kita boleh kongsi cerita sama-sama.

Kalau dulu masa kat Ikip, kita boleh cerita dengan housemates sebab semua orang kelas lain-lain. Semua orng ada cerita masing-masing. Balik je kelas, masuk rumah, buka tudung, terus cerita * kadang-kadang bergossip* dengan mereka. Makan pun mesti nak bercerita. Kat meja boleh bercerita, tengok tv boleh bercerita, basuh baju, masak maggie pun boleh bercerita. Pendek kata, mesti adalah cerita hot hot ni. Ada je yang nak dikongsi. Cerita dalam kelas, masa makan, cikgu, masa kawad ataupun sesi luahkan perasaan.

Tapi sekarang dah lain. Kat siapa kita nak cerita pasal hari kita? Kat siapa kita nak berceloteh? Kawan-kawan kat sini semua satu universiti, satu lecture, satu class, satu floor dan yang paling best..satu bilik. Takkan nak cerita benda yang sama terjadi kat mereka kat diorang sendiri? Tak ke pelik? Takkan nak cerita kat parents everyday? Parents kita pun nak buat kerja lain juga.

Jadi, setiap hari lepas kelas, kita wash up, lepas tu terus buka laptop. Terus menghadap alam siber sambil mengunyah biskut chocolate yang ya ampun, banyaknya dan murahnya kat sini. Setiap hari mesti nak search videos kat Youtube. Setiap petang mesti online. Kadang-kadang bosan juga tapi nak buat macam mana. Ni je lah yang kita boleh buat selain daripada belajar..ataupun tidur. Hahaha.

Hidup kita dah lain. Kita tak boleh nak lari balik ke masa dulu. Kita sedar yang kita dah dewasa. Ke kita dipaksa untuk menjadi matang? Ye lah kot.